"you're an idiot sometimes you know that?"

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id·i·ot [id-ee-uht] –noun
1. an utterly foolish or senseless person.
2. Psychology. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age
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call me an idiot, but not to my face. and make sure that i do not find out. period. for if i do, shit, i will not be happy about it. probably forever. as it stands, i remember all the people (2) that have, in my lifetime, called me (either to my face, or i found out) some variation of idiot. it really, truly hurts. especially since i cannot, in both instances, substantiate they calling me what they called me. and worse of all, recovery is never really 100%. with me at least. sometimes i hate the fact that i can dwell on certain issues forever. perhaps i should work on that. but i can't see me working through being called idiot. i don't know how to... i can forgive yes, but forgetting is a long shot.

-idiot.

kunzima emhlabeni

empeleni, isihloko salombhalo asixhumani nesizathu sokuthi ngibhale lesis'qeshana. sekunesikhathi nokho ngagcina ukubhala indatshana ngolimi lwasekhaya, uma ngikhumbula kahle, sekuphele iminyaka cishe emihlanu yonke, kanti futhi kuyabonakala ukuthi ngisho noma ngisakwazi ukuhlanganisa umusho ophelele ngolwasekhaya, uhlanganiseka ngobukhulu ubunzima. engabe iyozala nkomoni ezizukulwaneni eziyolandela thina uma sekuza emkhakheni wezamasiko nobuntu? ngike ngezwa abanye abafokazi bedingida lona loludaba lwamasiko nezilimi, besho bethi nabo abacabangi ukuthi emuva kweminyaka engamashumi amabili kusukela manje, izilimi zethu ziyobe zisamsulwa kuhle kwasemandulo.

ngale kwalokho, kubalulekile bakwethu ukuthi sizame ngazo zonke izindlela ukungakhohlwa imvelaphi yethu ngoba phela yithi thina sizukulwane samanje esinomthelela owedlulele ekutheni izizukulwane eziyosilandela zibe nolwazi kanye nentshisakalo yokwazi kabanzi ngemvelaphi yabo.

okwamanje, ngiyema lapha.

-S.

dear Souper Sandwich...

it's been a while since you and me met. i long for that reunion. you were the best thing in my life for so long in the past. you had figured me out. not many people are good with that. some tried taking your place. the weird stuff at McHarry's, the Chinese delicacies and even the wors rolls and chicken burgers along Jammie stairs tried to pull a fast one on you. but no, you were too strong for them. without even trying. i liked it a lot sticky. with extra cheese. even with my eyes closed. you totally rocked! i'm sure you still do. how i miss you. how i long for you. one day. one day you and i will be reunited.

-S.