the key is within...

kajdf akjdfka lkoeiwr qeuer mdnf k er odkjsa fle oerkjd kloe! dksjakf odhgnjb ppekjs wiusdfkj we kja ere? lskjro eald ghwpqa ldsdfljwp... niht ksjdfn oaiehr nlksdor lkjaow s ldkweo rlskd wesp lkdf? kjdfeo? adkjfe!!! ksdjfeoi, kdfk. e dksf er adf dfd k sdf klkjre lkd kloeik lo!

-S.

i don't really like Lira but...

I just wanna feel good everyday
I wanna wear smile upon my face
I wanna feel the joys of the day
I wanna feel alight in every moment
Said I won't wast time on feeling blue
I won't waste time on things I cannot change
I'm gonna live this day as best as I can
Doing everything that feels right

Singing la la la lala la

I wanna hear the laughter of a child
I wanna feel the hug from a loving friend
I wanna hear "I love you" every now and then
I wanna show somebody that I care
Cause feeling good is a choice that we all make
Just like a smile is a small effort you make
I love to feel the nudeness of a brand new day
Happy to be alight today

Singing la la la lala la

-S.

the land of the Queen

London is beautiful. well, what i have seen so far. i am loving it. it's great that i brought my CV along. i do not have a camera because up until now i have not seen the use for it. but i'll be sure to capture most of the moments i come across... using my mobile... inbetween work. here is one picture it thought to be great:

this be the famous St. Paul's Cathedral, in case it was not recognisable. i will see if there is more i can upload.

-S.

a sequence of uneasy events...

lately, it has become difficult to keep up with the blogging. not just the blogging. life. work. and everything else. i find it difficult to have fun. you know, like i used to. i find it difficult, in fact - annoying, to believe that i am still an ordinary person. i find it difficult to even drink. i tried alles. wine. beer. vodka. brandy. whiskey. fuck, none of them seem to go down well. not like they used to. i hate traffic. i hate coming back from work tired. i hate waking up early in the morning. i, i, i hate the fact that general life has become so [un]characteristically challenging. what is life? a journey? to where? fuck it! lemme sleep.

i am not angry. i am just finding it difficult.

-S.

[no title]

"Everytime I see you I squeeeeze you like you my teddy bear baby"

-S.

+vity

it's been two months. well, almost. the 26th of December has been a long time away -- that's an aside. oh, and i didn't know what to post on this post until i started it. and then it hit me:

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

enough said.

-S.

house on a move...

well, what more can i say. this past weekend i was away, just for a day - ok, for half a day. here is what i captured while i was on the move. really interesting stuff i tell you:

and there is more...

an interesting price to whoever to correctly guess this location. ayeye!!!

TIA.

-S.

ambulance for sale...?

it so happened that on Sunday i was driving around the western part of Pretoria, you know, looking for something that might spark a business opportunity. i was really unsuspecting when i came across this scenario which i captured to share:

i dunno what your take from your point of view is, but it seemed to me that since i was standing at a car dealer, where most of the vehicles had price tags (like the two of the three in the picture), with no sign of a workshop whatsoever, i can only conclude that the ambulance in the picture was not there to be repaired, but rather, to be sold. who holds the top job in our health system again? yah, her. she should see this picture!

somewhere out there, there ought to be a police van for sale. yes?

-S.

if i were at least 50% of ANC...

...i would vote against our president of the state taking on i term yesithathu in office. let there be change. let some one else assume responsibility. let's speak about something else rather than the usual segregatory camps that are apparent (or not). let it be whomever but the current top man. male. female. it don't matter. i wish i could be louder than this.

MUCH LOUDER!

-S.

i am not gay, but...

today i came across this gentleman who just blew me away. i met him in the lift. youngish. he carried himself professionally as we conversed about nothing while the lift was travelling from floor 22 to LG. his cologne was distinctive. and his choice of fabric was delicate, yet strong. i felt funny after that encounter. i was like "huh?!?" if i were a girl, i'm almost certain that i would have made that lift stop. and squeeze him in the corner for a bit of bump bump bump... just for about 2.7 minutes*. he he he!

-S.

* i dunno how this time relates the a male's or female's orgasm.

this facebook thing...

is truly a waste of [my] time. i cannot figure out the system. i dunno, i just feel so disoriented when i have logged in, i cannot find my wall, my funwall, sometimes my friends, the people that i have requested to add to my list of friends, the list goes on. so, right now i am saying "screw it! i ain't gonna spend more time on the system. yah!"

on the other hand, i hear that the facebook south african network is so deep that some of the political parties (read: the ANC and its friends) has it in their strategy to campaign for the next election even on facebook. tight, i wanna see JZ's profile. and his funwall. he he he!!!

-S.

i love you, but you are arguably the most challenging thing that has ever happened to me...

i feel like a girl.

i have exposed myself wholly and now i feel so bare and vulnerable and ... and i am finding myself in this stupid emotional rollercoaster and ... and i know that my feelings towards her are at their meanest depth but fuck, why has things turned out this way vele? why am i so unstable? why am i feeling like this? why am i even asking these questions? why? why? fuckin' why? sometimes i wish that i could just erase all the bits and patches in my memory that lead me into feeling this way. sometimes i wish that my DNA could have been encoded somewhat differently. sometimes i just wish that i cared less than i actually do. sometimes i wish that i was not this jealous. am i jealous or do i just care too much? either way, fuck it!

i hate me when me is like this.

-S.

me, i do not fall asleep...

social networking and general Web browsing is addictive. unlike some people who fall asleep while trying to get their way around the Internet, i struggle to let go of the damn laptop, put it on hibernate and dos (sleep). i find myself doing so many things (arb things at that) and forgetting to do others, which sometimes i remember to do when i wake up to go drink water in the middle of my sleep. then i would continue where i left off. such crap.

this was one of those random posts. all hail to randomness...

-S.

"you're an idiot sometimes you know that?"

---
id·i·ot [id-ee-uht] –noun
1. an utterly foolish or senseless person.
2. Psychology. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age
---

call me an idiot, but not to my face. and make sure that i do not find out. period. for if i do, shit, i will not be happy about it. probably forever. as it stands, i remember all the people (2) that have, in my lifetime, called me (either to my face, or i found out) some variation of idiot. it really, truly hurts. especially since i cannot, in both instances, substantiate they calling me what they called me. and worse of all, recovery is never really 100%. with me at least. sometimes i hate the fact that i can dwell on certain issues forever. perhaps i should work on that. but i can't see me working through being called idiot. i don't know how to... i can forgive yes, but forgetting is a long shot.

-idiot.

kunzima emhlabeni

empeleni, isihloko salombhalo asixhumani nesizathu sokuthi ngibhale lesis'qeshana. sekunesikhathi nokho ngagcina ukubhala indatshana ngolimi lwasekhaya, uma ngikhumbula kahle, sekuphele iminyaka cishe emihlanu yonke, kanti futhi kuyabonakala ukuthi ngisho noma ngisakwazi ukuhlanganisa umusho ophelele ngolwasekhaya, uhlanganiseka ngobukhulu ubunzima. engabe iyozala nkomoni ezizukulwaneni eziyolandela thina uma sekuza emkhakheni wezamasiko nobuntu? ngike ngezwa abanye abafokazi bedingida lona loludaba lwamasiko nezilimi, besho bethi nabo abacabangi ukuthi emuva kweminyaka engamashumi amabili kusukela manje, izilimi zethu ziyobe zisamsulwa kuhle kwasemandulo.

ngale kwalokho, kubalulekile bakwethu ukuthi sizame ngazo zonke izindlela ukungakhohlwa imvelaphi yethu ngoba phela yithi thina sizukulwane samanje esinomthelela owedlulele ekutheni izizukulwane eziyosilandela zibe nolwazi kanye nentshisakalo yokwazi kabanzi ngemvelaphi yabo.

okwamanje, ngiyema lapha.

-S.

dear Souper Sandwich...

it's been a while since you and me met. i long for that reunion. you were the best thing in my life for so long in the past. you had figured me out. not many people are good with that. some tried taking your place. the weird stuff at McHarry's, the Chinese delicacies and even the wors rolls and chicken burgers along Jammie stairs tried to pull a fast one on you. but no, you were too strong for them. without even trying. i liked it a lot sticky. with extra cheese. even with my eyes closed. you totally rocked! i'm sure you still do. how i miss you. how i long for you. one day. one day you and i will be reunited.

-S.

1 round of sex = ? km

yah, it is now a known secret that i have started "jogging" with the aim of shedding some of those unwanted kilos and look slimmer, just as my mother would want me to look. she says that it ain't kosher being way above your bmi especially in ones workplace because one is then perceived to be lazy, blah blah...

that ain't the point of this post however. jogging ain't fun. for now at least. so after my first few runs, i began thinking..., if one were to replace jogging with sex, how many rounds of sex would make a kilometer of jogging? maybe some being has already done this research and put the results out there, but i was just too lazy to look.

it could really be interesting... i'm thinking "honey, today i want to hit 4 kilometers!" or Doctor: it is imperative that you jog at least 2 kilometers a day, to help with that cholesterol problem..."

so, 1 round of sex = ? kilometers?

-S.

[aside] i have been trying to control my eating habits. especially eating after 7 in the evening. ;)

wish that you were mine

for a long time now, i have been listening to The Manhattans' last album (methinks) --- "The Manhattans Live in South Africa." it totally rocks! that's the kind of music people, including George W. and bra Bob, should be listening to. from month to month, i have had a favourite song. this time around, wish that you were mine takes the trophy! awesome stuff! here be the lyrics:

--
Baby, could we have the same table we had yesterday

Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh

Here we are again
Sipping our drinks just like friends
I wonder if they see the sparkle in your eyes
I wonder if they know that I'm not your guy, mmm, hmm

I wonder if they see
That you don't belong tome
Wish that you could be mine
Mine, all mine, mmm…mmm…

It'll be hard for him to understand
I am his friend and he is your man
I wonder what my lady would say
If she knew I met you everyday, mmm, hmm

Sooner or later
Don't you know they're gonna find out and they'll hate us
Oh, I wish that you could be mine
Mine, all mine, mmm…

It's 2 a.m., the place is gonna close
The bartender looks as though he knows
Everybody's, everybody's made it home
Here we sit again all alone, mmm, hmm

I've got to get up at 8
Don't you know I've got to explain why I'm so late, mmm…
I wish I didn't have to go home
Whoa…oh…whoa…oh…oh…go home

I wish that you were mine, baby
Oh, I'd give you the world
And every little thing your heart desires
--

-S.

take your sms and shove it!

yah, i am sick and tired of them people that send text messages that require a response. first of all, i am not a sms fan. texting is just too tedious and expensive (on my mobile package, i pay R0.75 per text the whole day). i prefer calling.

so, if you know me and you are thinking of asking for something from me, call me. if you send an sms, forget you will ever get an answer. even if you are special. why must i pay for something that YOU want? that is how i feel and i am not sorry for the way i feel.

-S.

...the bag

sorry, there is nothing inside the bag. nothing. nada. so, what do i put inside? wait, why would i want to put something inside?

anyway, yah. i have been searching for a questionnaire. a particular questionnaire. in this bag. it's not there. obviously because the bag is empty. so can someone out there put something in this empty bag of mine? i dunno, a clue of sort? oh right, the questionnaire! is there a questionnaire that one can utilise as a deterministic method to establish whether a relationship* is (should be) over? you know, those strongly agree - agree - strongly disagree type of questionnaires?

i'm still on course. i'm out.

-S.

* a friend is looking for this btw...